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7:48 p.m. - 2005-12-19 The thing about Charlie is... I don't think I really like her. It sucks, cause she's very nice, gentle, considerate, extremely affectionate, has a very nice flat, has an amazing job and probably makes a shitload of money, and seems to really like me. She pays her way, which is so hard to get used to. Charlie insists on paying her half, insists that it's her responsiblity, insists that I need to be comfortable and happy at all times. Charlie treats me like... I have never been treated before. It's kinda pro-feminist, but I like it. But I don't like her. We ended up fooling around, which is always fun, but my heart wasn't completely in it. I was going through my male PMT, so we couldn't really get down, which I was kinda grateful for. That didn't stop her from attempting to have sex with me. She was unbuttoning her blouse and I said, "I don't want to have sex tonight." I couldn't believe I said it. It was so assertive, so blunt. She stopped, mid-button, and jokingly said, "That's okay. Nothing a cigerette won't fix." Later, she snuggled up to me and said, "Whenever you're ready, sweetie. I just want you to be comfortable." God, she's so sweet! My ex told me the next person I would date after our break up I would end up treating like shit and using, and she's probably right. If I don't break things off with Charlie, I am using her. Using her to be held, be cuddled with, to be pampered, to get half-price dinners. Ughhhh. She's so nice, I don't want to use her. Ideally, I'd love to downgrade our relationship to just friends, have her be part of my circle of friends, but she seems to want to be so affectionate with me, I don't think that would work. Any advice would help. 
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