8:46 p.m. - 2003-03-03
Lost
I am kinda lost. I know I've felt this way before, so what did I do then? Plunged into an oblivion of chocolate covered pretzels and sex without committments? I just had both recently; finishing the pretzels now. The sex was the other day.

I wish girls weren't so important to me. I can't deny that they are, though. I dress nice for them, wear expensive cologne for them, gel my hair for them. Besides, I am infatuated with being held and kissed. I need it like caffeine. And when I don't get it, I get emotional and moody.

I guess what it comes down to is, I have a self-esteem issue. But even as I write this, it sounds like bullshit. Would a guy be saying he has "self-esteem issues" if he had frequent sex with girls he didn't love? Jeez, I am so confused.

So, I am lost. I don't know if the answer is a better job or a wonderful girlfriend. Ideally, both. I feel like I need something. I am not self-sufficient. I am a pawn on the chessboard of life.

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